We all know that a most of our opinions, beliefs, and thought processes are based on how we where raised, what our parents, friends, and others like teachers and relatives instilled in us. And yes we all as we grow up and become adults develop ones that at times differ, even oppose what we where raised with. This happens in many ways, for many reasons. Well I wanted to share some of my opinions, that I know are completely different, even opposite what they where 10/15 years ago, and its 100% due the life of a 12 year old boy names Chris. I am not sharing, trying to say you need to share them, or even looking to start a debate or conversation on them. Just been on my mind a lot recently, and wanted to share how this boy has changed, in certain ways.
1. Kids acting out in public is not just due to being spoiled brats, and having bad lazy parents. Till about the age of 30, I thought this. And yes I would be that person, looking down on the parents of the child in Wal-Mart who was screaming/crying loudly for no apparent reason. Even if the was an apparent reason, it still make quick judgments, having no real knowledge of the situation and people involved in it. I no longer due this, cause of course I have learned there are many reasons for an outburst from a child, even a young adult, that on the surface might look like just a spoiled brat trying to get his way, really could be one of a 100 things that the parent cannot actually do anything about in that moment, and anything they did actually try, wouldn't help, thus they appear to not be trying anything at all. Learning this has helped me become a more sympathetic person in other aspics of life as well, as I know am able to refrain much more often from making quick judgments based off of limited information.
2. Rules put in place for the benefit of the few, but effect the many, need to be tolerated more. Not saying they all just need to be accepted once put in place all the time, but more time and thought needs to be done, to actually form a real opinion on whether they are needed or not. Ill give an example or two. a. Schools limiting what foods can be brought in by the kids. IE must be packaged with ingredients listed, or NOTHING with nuts, ETC. There was a time that if this rule where to be put in place I would scream to high heaven, "WTH, if there are a 4-5 kids with allergies, why should that limit what the other 400 kids gets to bring. Just ensure those 4-5 kids don't eat other peoples food. DUH". But now I realize its not that simple. and yes it might be a pain to have that limitation, but that pain, is much less then the pain of a death of a child who cannot for many different reasons you might have no actual clue about, cannot be 100% prevented from messing with those foods being around. b.City wide curfews. This is another I once thought was big brother stepping when when they should not. You might ask how did Chris affect my opinion on these, its not like it changes how I handle him in public. Your right is doesn't, but it does affect my state of mind, and how I have to handle being in public with him, at those times the curfew has been put in place. You see young people these days, as much as people what to say that our next generation is more compassionate, more accepting, and is more "progressive" when it comes to the needs of others then the past, in my opinion are just the opposite. For I feel that this attitude of just being "accepting" of others, actually leads to an attitude of less standing up for whats right. There is a difference being being accepting and being loving of people who are in the wrong, but that's a whole other discussion. But I mean how many times have you watched on youtube or FB a clip of some young people acting just plan ignorant, and everyone just stands around watching/filming. Instead of actually trying to step up and stop/prevent something really bad from happening, they sit back, and do nothing. They just "accept it". Well the curfew when in place in my opinion, helps curve the opportunities for those situations, thus making it safer for me and people in my situation, to keep my attention focused on what it needs to be on, rather than worrying about ignorant unsupervised people, who "accept" wrong things, rather than prevent them.
3. Pre natal testing for defects/health issues. This is a tough one, and I know might make a lot of people look at me and shake their head. But that's OK. You see I once thought like most of us, if we could test, and be aware of any possible health issues the baby will have as early as possible, pre birth, that can only be a good thing. And for the most part I still believe that. But there is one huge reason I now say. I wish that we did not have the capacity for doing this. It's one of those things where, yes I do admit a whole lot of positive can come out of having that knowledge, but due to one major issue in our society, there is also one HUGE negative that can come, and IMHO that huge negative outweighs any positive test result can come up with.
4. The importance of tone and body language when it comes to communication. Now this has been learned in many ways, personally and professionally. But Chris has made the biggest impact on me in this area. I can truly say, you can't fully know how much those two things can mean when talking to another person, unless that other person though is an intelligent person, but that intelligence is placed in them in a manner that restricts their verbal communication capacity. It is easy to ignore what effect your tone or body language can have, when a person is suppose to "listen to your words" but what happens if those words no longer have meaning? Think about it. Well that's where the other two come into play, and in a major way. This has also lead to me gaining a much better understanding and control over my anger issues, that plagued me for years, as I had to study myself, my actions and my tone, in times of frustration, and irritation. Looking back on things I am not sure I would have made the progress and changes needed in this challenge of my own life if not for him, and without those changes my marriage probably would not be intact.
5. Lastly and most importantly, the thing I now understand better than I ever would have in not for Chris, is learning what success truly is. Success in life has nothing to do with physical gain, nothing to do with awards, notoriety, or even the praise of others, Success is looking at what we are doing in life, and saying, that makes me happy, that truly brings me joy. You see, so much of our world today, defines success on physical things like money, power, and prestige. But really what does that gain anyone? And with those type of measurements, so much of today's people are left disappointed when they achieve these things, and then realize, they need more. And more, and more. Well Chris will probably never achieve any of these type of things. does that mean he will not have a successful life? Sadly some people will answer yes, mostly not out loud, but most, and even more sad is most, even those reading this, if your truly honest with yourself, have to admit, that when you see a person with mental or physical disabilities so great that they will never be able to care for themselves, or never will be able to do many of the things most of society take for granted, and say to themselves, how can they live a successful life? I tell you how, by still be allowed to be happy, to be joyful, and to be loved. And I promise you this, Chris is, and so am I.
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