March O March.
you hold so many important things in my life.
I was born, my first date with my wife, my first child was born, and my Mother died.
March also is the time of my most favorite sporting event, known as March Madness, or THE tournament. And this event as well as the rest of college basketball, was really the only thing my Father and I could talk in depth about, in a joyous way. And for the first time this March this cannot happen.
I hate to say I never felt close to my Dad. As a youth, I always looked at him as a person not to make angry, that's all. As a teen, he tried so hard to show love in the way of sports, specifically basketball. He spent so much time and effort with me in this game. Started a whole freaking team, and organization just so I could play. During the season, pretty much all his free time was spent leading this team/organization. And though I loved it, and it also became a huge part of my life, it also became a way for me to be angry with him. More more as time passed.
After high school, I had allowed my anger to control so much of me, that it was all I thought of when I was around him. With one exception. College Basketball. Even with my anger, we both watched the games in the same way, we studied the game, as a coach would, as a teacher or better yet as a student of the game would. And we could discuss what we saw in great detail and at many times actually agree. Which was rare otherwise. While still in HS I would get all my School work done early in the day on the opening days of the tournament, so I could watch the games and keep up with every one of them as they where played, and when he got home from work, we would review the ones from the day, and watch the evening ones together. Each with our bracket by our side.
During the weekends we would watch all day. Only thing possibly preventing this was a basketball commitment I might have had, then we would do that together. But all in all our relationship hinged on this month. Otherwise there wasn't much else we could get along around.
Now sure as I got older, had my own kids, his grand kids, my anger mellowed. And we could discuss things as adults, but there really never much love, at least on my side of things. I would't allow it. I was to angry to much for things, that looking back on it ,where really trivial. But hey they usually are. But each March we could still talk on the phone a bit, discussing who we thought could win it, or be the surprise of the tourney. He grew up in the Midwest, and was a big ten fan. Teams from Indiana and Illinois area, I developed love for the Big Blue of Kentucky. And we would go back and forth on the programs, the past and future.
Well I was able to do what was needed these past couple years to get rid of that anger, but it was too late. Last March his health was bad, and he didn't even follow the games. I called him once to see if he was watching any games, but he was not. And then few months later he passed away. So this month I will not make that call. Making that call also helped me deal with the sadness of the last day of the month. So this month I ask for prayer, that I may have peace, I know that they both are now together for eternity, and will look down on me with Joy, looking forward to being with me again. But it will be hard for me, I know it. Luckily I can lean on my wife and friends this month, for they will keep me at peace.
