God giveth and God taketh away.

There are many sayings we have in this world, that sound really great, profound, even Godly, but I have found that many of them are used out of context so much, or used as excuses to act a certain  way that they end up losing the true meaning.

I have decided to look at a couple of these, and try and give what I feel they should really mean, or at least what i feel God has told me they mean.

Lets start with the title. many people use this, and it comes from Job, 1:21. Naked I came from my Mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, may the name of the Lord be praised.

Many know the story of Job, but quick summary, Job was a very wealthy man, had a big and successful family. He was also called blameless and upright in the eyes of God. Satan went to God basically saying that Job was only blameless and upright because God had blessed him and protected him, but if all he had was to go away, Job would turn his back and curse God. So God allowed Satan to take away everything, except Job's own life. In the end Job stayed true to his faith, and God blessed him 2 fold, Now Job struggled mightily throughout the process and even argued with his friends about God's will. But he never cursed God.

So in reality this statement is wrong, God never took anything away from Job, I guess he no longer protected Job's earthly possessions and family. But it was really Satan who took them all away. But in the moment Job did not realize this, yet he still ended the statement with "may the name of the Lord be praised".

But today this statement is used so often in similar situations of loss. Funerals, natural disasters. and war, just to name a few. People will look at the loses those situations create, and use that statement as a way of comfort, a way of explaining the unexplainable, or even a way to justify a tragedy.

Now the story of Job, takes place in the Old Testament, and may things that happened then in some ways cannot be viewed the same as if they happened today, cause god dealt with things completely differently. in the OT he spoke directly with people, he did rain down his wrath on sinful people. God did many things, that he would never do again, after he sent his son, after Jesus came to live on earth, die for us, and rise again.

So I read it and see this.

Everything we have, has been given to us, either by God, or by Satan. God is love, and his wants us to follow him(love) and if we do, we are able to accept all he has to offer, best of all eternal life with him. Satan of course is without love. everything he gives is done to turn us away from God, turn us away from love, and keeps us away from a life with God, but instead be brought down to him in eternal damnation.

Many people struggle with their faith, cause they ask, If God is real love, then why does he allow so many bad things to happen. Why is there so much evil in the world. Well that's another long discussion, but to sum up quickly, its this. God gave us free will. If we in our free will choose to accept God's love, and live in his will, then we are able to live a life in eternity with him in love. If we use that free will to choose a life not in his will, not in his love, then we are not accepting God's love, but instead opening the door for what Satan has to offer. The exact opposite of love.

For many years when my life was not one in faith, not one in God's love, I would look at what was given to me and if I did not like it would question why I was given this. If something was taken away I would ask why. Why would God take my mother so soon, why would God give me a son with such extreme autism? And if I was given something good, I would say, hey look at what I got, Look at what I achieved. I find these actions of mine, are very common in society as well. Take credit for what we have that's good, yet blame others or God for the bad stuff.

But now when I look at what the bible is saying, I am able to see that I truly achieved nothing, God has given me all that I thought I gained. And when things where taken away, it was not God taking away, but Satan, or it was God giving me one thing by allowing another to be removed. Even some of the things put in front of me that I thought where bad, once I looked at them with eyes of God's love, and looked at them through eyes in God's will, I was able to see that they where put there so help me achieve things I could not have without them. And the things that truly where bad things. well they where put there in times I was not in God's will, I was not accepting of God's love, but instead being accepting of things opposite of God's love.

So now when something comes up in my life, and I wonder why it has been put in front of me. The first thing I try to do is ask God, what is your intention here? If whatever it is is God's will for me then he will eventually show me the why, as long I am staying in his will, and his love, and if it was not put there by God, but by Satan, then God will eventually remove it, but again I have to stay in his will. I have to stay in his love. I have to say "may the name of the Lord be praised" and cannot ever curse his name. You see Job was able to say that after all his wealth was taken away, all his children where taken away, and all the things he was given here on earth was taken away, and because he was able to say that, was able to say God's will be done, God's name be praised, he ended up being given a life that was far greater than even he could imagine. If he could say it then, I can surely say it with the little I have been through.

Here is a link to something you might have read before, but It has great meaning. Basicaaly do not curse God, but let his will be done, cause we really haveno clue.
http://davidnwalker.com/2012/03/12/conversation-with-god/

But in the end, all that is given to me here on earth good or bad, cannot compare to what is in store for me after my life here. If my life here is in God's love, then my eternal life will also be one of love. If it is the opposite of God's love, well then that is what is in store me for eternally. And I have to say, that is not very appealing, so I will try daily to make my life one of God's love.

Other common sayings I plan on reviewing are

"Respect needs to be earned before it is given".
"Treat others as you would have them treat yourself"

My main goal in life, and for the world around me.

I have said a lot about my recently found faith in God, and how it has changed my life over the past couple years. A lot has changed in me, but the one real thing has been the root of it all. I have found love. Real love, Agape as it is referred to as in the original Greek translations of the bible. Now that I have found it, my challenge has been what do I do with it? That seems like such an odd question, but its a huge one for me. You see, without going into detail right now, that is for another post, I had no idea what was love was suppose to be for most of my life. Now I am not saying I had a loveless life. My parents loved me very much, and I knew it. My family loves me, I had other role models in my life that showed love as well. Jennifer has always loved me, and my kids love me. But when I say I have found love, what I mean is I know actually feel the things that real love is supposed to make us feel, and its the type of love God intended us to have. Things like true forgiveness, and true happiness. Those things I can honestly say I never felt before.

So now that I have this love in me, I am back to that question. What do I do with it? How to I use it, how do I share it, how do I affect those in my life with it, and most of all how do I use it the way God wants me to use it? I do not have the specific answers yet, but I have figured out one thing. It is my responsibility to try and have that love come out as much as possible, in as many actions as I can, and towards as many people as I can get it to.

Now you might be reading this, and wondering what the heck does this have to do with my recent FB post, in which I stated my issues with some things happening in and around the country recently. In that post I state that America is not racist, and take issue with those who call my country that. I also debate a bit about a few issues in the country stemming from the racist issue. Well here let me explain a bit more.

You see I believe one thing whole heartily, every one of this countries issues, and any other countries issues stem from one thing. A lack of love. I would not define my country as a racist one, or as a bully as some countries do. I would not call it stupid, as some do due to our constant dropping in education levels world wide. There are many things my country is called that I take offense to, and do not believe that, even though we have instances in which we as a country, or a part of it act in such ways, those ways in which we act, being racist, bully, ignorant, and ETC. All those things are problems, and such, but I see one thing that all of them stem from, and that is what I would say is the real problem, and that is what I would call us. A country full of people in desperate need of love.

Racism is just a form of anger, and anger is just a secondary emotion that stems from hurt. And hurt, real hurt happens when love is absent. Think about the times when you where really hurting in life, and most likely you can attribute it to not feeling loved. And then think about how you reacted to that hurt. Some people get depressed, some use it as motivation, some try to just ignore it, and move on. And then some, I should say many get angry. And very often that anger turns to hatred, and their actions then reflect that hatred. Look at recent events. Whether it is just what happened, the killing of a teenager, who for sure did not deserve to be shot let alone die. Look at the reactions to it. Go back a bit farther, look at the mass killings taking place in public areas. Look at the rise in suicides. Its all rooted in anger and hatred, which many of them now we know started out with a person/people who where hurting.

Now look at our daily lives. How much of it do we fill with things that are loving? The news.media. I watched the 5 o clock news report for the 1st time in years a couple days ago. and the 1st of 3 stories was the situation in Ferguson Missouri of course, and then the next was a shooting in Fort Worth, and the 3rd a shooting in South Dallas. And what do we entertain ourselves with? Well Look at the top TV shows. Here is one listing the best shows from 2013. http://www.slantmagazine.com/features/article/the-25-best-tv-shows-of-2013/P5
Now I know that is just one websites opinion, but many of those shows where the top watched scripted shows. Breaking Bad, Hannibal, Justified, Game of Thrones and The Americans. All shows with extremely violent and angry characters. Not much love being shown there. and that was just the top 5, look at the whole list. Many of them based on very angry or even evil people, acting out their evil and angry feelings in ways that is the opposite of love. And that does not even cover the so called reality shows which also at times dominate the viewing public. Many of which also feed off of angry people committing acts that are the very opposite of loving each other.

I think you are starting to get my drift. This world, my country, and the people in them are in desperate need of feeling loved.

So now to the whole point of this post. My goal is to work towards a life filled with love. The name of this blog truly fits my life. I am angry no more. oh sure I get angry, just like people in this country act racist, sexist, ETC. But I am not an angry person anymore. And though I know I cannot change a country. I can change myself, and in turn affect the people around me. Who hopefully affect others around them. No I do not have some grand aspirations to change the world, just do what I should and see what happens.

So from this day forward. I want every action I make to be one out of love, and I am asking everyone reading this post to help me. How can you help. Well, let me tell you. You most likely are reading this post because I put it on FB and tagged you. Well if that's the case then you fall into one of 3 categories of people in my life. A Family member I love, A long time friend I love, or a new friend, that I feel a good connection with, and hopefully that can grow. And whichever of the 3 you fit in you all are somebody I have a level of respect for that I want to give you permission to hold me accountable, when I might not be acting out of love. I will at times fail, and allow that angry man to take over, and I want you to call me out on it. Now do not worry, I am not giving you permission to do this so I can do it in return. that was the old me. I am giving this permission cause I know I need help. We all do. And it is also a way for me to show a love I never could before.

I am doing this because to help show what think is another huge issue in this world. A lack of personal accountability, and lack of people willing to accept responsibility for their actions, but instead act out of hurtful anger and lash out and blame. I am doing this cause I think it is what God intended for me, and for all of us at some level.

I am doing this to be a man of love.

Thanks and God bless.

Accepting in a positive light what God has given me.

11 years ago my 1st son was born. Though this was a very happy moment in my life, it was a very dark time as well. My marriage was really in shambles, and the pregnancy was not planned, and basically acting as a band aid to the marriage at the time. I had tried many ways to deal with my anger issues and none where working. it was at this time in life I really started to lash out at God.

But of course that day, I was a very happy person. My boy was in my arms, and all these ideas where running through my head. Thinking, what sport would he latch onto, I was determined not to push basketball down his throat. Would he be shy like I was as a young child, or be more like I me when I was older, Outgoing, not giving a crap what others thought. All the things a new dad wonders, especially with a son.

Well things between Jenn and I got better, as to say we stuck with each other, and a couple years passed. And we had a day I will never forget. The last couple doctors visits for Chris, where bringing up concerns. and finally it was official. Chris is autistic. Now I knew a little bit about autism, more than the average person I would actually say. And that was actually a bad thing for me at the time. If I was in the dark about autism, I could have used the ignorance is bliss line. But I was not. I knew that as things stood, he would never come close to doing what I and every typical jock Dad would hope. It all of a sudden didn't matter what sport he leaned to. It didn't matter if he was shy or not, cause I knew what society would think. Good or bad, it would be different. And in a private moment I all of a sudden thought does my son even matter anymore?

So we go thought the next couple years, learning about autism, and how work with him. We read books, we see some doctors, we get him in special classes. We do a bunch of basic stuff. One thing I was not aware off, is the many different levels of autism. This too though was a downer for me eventually cause guess what, Chris turns out to be on what is considered lower functioning. Though at a young age he does learn a few words, and does show some signs of being able to learn basic things like numbers and letters, those things slowly fade. I have not heard him say an actual intentional word with meaning but maybe 2-3 times in 7 years. And even then I wonder if he knew what he was saying. We came to a point of acceptance that he probably will never be potty trained.

So eventually I came to a point of just acceptance, Chris would be a son that we would have to care for as a infant probably his whole life. But this acceptance was not a good thing at the time. This acceptance happened about the same time we where also told our 2nd son was also on the spectrum, though he showed to be much higher functioning.but together it turned out to be like throwing gunpowder on a fire. My heart and soul exploded with anger towards God and life in general.

And it came out, towards my wife, my kids, my siblings. I hated what God had given me, and that my friends not a good thing.

Or was it, cause it ended up taking the consequences of my angry actions to end up bringing me to the point of finally saying, God I cannot handle this anymore. You have to for me. My point of view is killing, not only me but those around me. I need another way to look at things. I need your eyes. And for once I looked at my life through Gods eyes. And I saw things I never could before.

So now that I am trying to look at things through Gods eyes, I have seen so much, I never would have. Living with Chris and the unique challenges he creates, as actually been very beneficial in my life as an individual.

One way has he has helped me to understand what love really is. I you have read my past posts you know that being able to really love, has always been a challenge for me. For most of my life, love was something you said, it was something you felt in a moment, it was for all intensive purposes, something that relied on feeling. But That's what what real love is. Real love, Agape love as the Greek would say. Its Gods love. I can honestly say that without Chris's autism, I probably would not be sitting under the same roof as my wife and kids right now. Cause without him, I don't think I would have been able to realize that I need God's love. And that realization is what saved my marriage.

Another thing he has taught me has been patience. And when I say patience I mean the real kind, the kind where you actually are able to deal with things in a caring manner. Not the type patience that is so often used to just get the current situation over with. But the kind is talked about in the Bible. This has helped me both personally and professionally.

So to wrap up, I thank God, not only for that day 11 years ago, when my son was in my arms for the first time, and I had all these expectations for him down the line. but I thank God for every day now. Each day I come to home to my 1st born son, who has taught me more about love, then I could have ever imagined, and still has more to teach me. Has helped me develop skills that I never would have, skills that help me in all walks of life. But most of all I thank God for giving me exactly what he knew I needed, to get me on the path he has mapped out for me. Cause its that path, and only that path, that I will experience the happiness I was meant to have.