I have always been one to not want sympathy from people, and that is why I try not to talk about the challenges of raising 2 kids on the Autism spectrum, unless another asks me about it or brings it up first. So the following post is not about wanting any, just trying to help create awareness.
A huge challenge a family with children having special needs, is traveling and visiting places/people that are not used to having those children around. Many reasons for this, like open space, size of the yards, the home decor and ETC are just a few. But I am going to focus on one in particular in this message, one that can be a very touchy subject, and can create a lot of stress for all parties.
How is the hosting family/people suppose to treat the kids with special needs????
The answer to this can be very difficult, cause it can vary based of the child's needs, the parents of the child expectations, and many other things. But I think I can give a few basic suggestions
1. Do not be afraid to ask the parents what the child's likes/needs are. But do not feel bad if you do not have exactly what our answers are. We know you might not be prepared, especially if this is first time hosting us.
2. Remember that though the child has unique needs, feel free to interact with the child like you would any other, but be prepared for the child's response to be different. Even a child who is not verbal, and seems to not want interaction, has the need to be loved and included. If you ignore them completely, they will feel ignored and possibly uncomfortable. If they are not comfortable, then they will make the visit hard for everyone, not on purpose, but many times the way they express their uncomfort comes out in a manner that can be disruptive. When a person makes no effort to interact with a child, whether the child has special needs or not, it gives the impression. they do not want to child around. Not always true, but impressions mean a lot, and if we as parents feel you do not want to child around, then we will not want to be bring the child around, which for us means we cannot come around either.
3. When you make the effort to interact with them, but do not get a positive response, do not feel bad. Observe how the parent interacts, and attempt to mimic that.
4. If you observe the child in some behavior or activity that you might be concerned about, you can mention it to the parent, but do it in an sharing/gathering information way. IE of you see a child drinking muddy water, and the parent is there, say to the parent, "he/she is drinking that muddy water, is that OK?" If we do not react, then you do not need to either, if we do react, then you know that if it happens again you may react in the same way. If we do not react in a manner that you feel is appropriate, well its not your child, so I will ask you get over it. If you witness the child doing something to your property/belongings and are worried about damage or the like, and we cannot or do not react immediately, feel free to get involved, but try and do it in a non judgemental way.
5. Lastly, I will be first to admit that parents of special needs children, at times allow the fear of being judged, or causing other people to feel uncomfortable prevent us from taking the children to others homes. This is on us and many of us need to own that better, but if you truly want to be involved in our lives then please try to avoid being judgemental. ALL parents want to avoid being judged for how they parent their kids, and that feeling can be magnified with special needs kids parents.
There are many other things that can be added to this, but thought I would share.
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